Give You to You
"Lend Yourself to Others, but Give Yourself to Yourself.”
-Michel de Montaigne
My toughest and most valuable lesson: be full before sharing myself.
Now I know this to be an absolute … before I can be of service to others, I need to feed myself. I used to live my life as if I was on permanent call, to anyone who had my phone number. By end of day, I’d be sitting at my desk with a seething migraine, staring down at my own to-do list. Sadly, little to none had been tended to. Why? I love helping, I’m a natural at it. I enjoy making other people’s lives easier on them. I enjoy the time spent being of service.
When either of my parents were in their final months, weeks, I did practice a lot of self care. I did see the difference. This type of love and service was obvious to me, that it would drain me because of the love between us. These moments are the most beautiful, memorable and precious ones of my life, knowing and having the privilege of caring for those I love the most. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I knew in these instances I had to be whole to really make a difference for them.
I still struggled with my day-to-day saying no, ‘I’m sorry, I cannot do that today’, or ‘maybe tomorrow’. Until, until I finally started searching for triggers, the ones causing my blazing migraine headaches late in the afternoon. They were simple ones … fake sugar, California reds, frustration. The first two were easy to eliminate, but frustration had to be studied, faced and dealt with. The first one I identified, and it didn’t take very long, it was the one I felt every day around 4 when I hadn’t worked on my own stuff, I had not been to yoga again today, I didn’t have time to get a run in. I sat at my desk looking down at a gift pad a friend had given me. It said at the top: “Of course, I’d be happy to put your needs before mine”.
There began my real work. It’s not easy to give up being that ‘happy helper’ and it took time and serious dedication to me. Simply stated, the truth is everyone is still just as helped and happy, I am taking care of myself before I loan me out to the world, and I LOVE saying NO. It really is a complete sentence. We all need to assess and reassess, sometimes we need to make a change. The truth is … nobody loses and we are all well fed.
Susan J Hilger
Life Strategist, lover of birds, dogs, yoga. #essentialoils, #YoungLiving, #personaldevelopment www.SusanJCoaching.com. I.A.M. Imagine. Articulate. Manifest
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